Uh, I wrote something as reaction to the released 3.1 script page, because why should everybody else have monopoly on hurting us with the idea of memory removal
(this is totally unbetaed and was basically written into a chat window, because I wanted to hurt Julie with angsty headcanon)
“Well, this was fun I guess, but Laura always bitches when I come home later than her” Derek says, smiling.
He’s fucking smiling and it is disturbing Stiles so much.
And how depressing is that, when you think about it, that the thing he has always secretly wished for Derek - for him to be whole, for him to finally live a little more- is now making his skin crawl.
It’s just all wrong, it makes him itch, that’s not his Derek, the smile he gets should make his stomach do little flip flops, because by god Derek looks good when he smiles, better than he could have ever imagined.
But instead it makes something sick roll up in his stomach, because this Derek is innocent in so many ways, in ways Stiles doesn’t know how to deal with. And it’s stupid and selfish because one of the main reasons he can’t, why it makes him look away and bite his lip in discomfort, is that now he’s alone again.
He didn’t get along with Derek at all times, even know he doesn’t know what they are, but from the first moment they looked at each other, he had known deep in his bones, here is finally someone who understood that the world isn’t right and will never be right, that something (someone) is missing and it punched a black hole into reality and the only thing left to do is cling with all your might to any bright spots still remaining and just hold on.
They may have not lost the same someone, but they both have lost and it felt good to finally look at someone and know ah, I’m not the only one fractured.
And not only is that gone now, lost behind a veneer of falsely manufactured innocence. He’s going to have to watch that innocence shatter. What he tried for years and years and years to never let happen to Scott, he is now going to have to witness with Derek. And it’s the worst, because there is nothing to do but let it happen.
There is nothing Stiles can do to keep the spark in Derek alive, because the tragedy has already happened. And if there is something that is worse than being suddenly alone again behind the cracked mirror through which he sees the world, is having to watch someone join him.